Dealing with Conflict

Do you know the sound automobile tires make when they are spinning on ice? The transmission is engaged, the accelerator is being applied, the wheels are turning, but there is no forward progress. I remember the frustration I felt one winter while attempting to drive on a side road in Kansas City. The grade was only slight, but the snow packed street was icy. As I pressed the accelerator, along with the revving of the engine, I could hear the whining of the tires, zzzziiiiiizzzz…  zzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzz…  Instead of moving forward my car began sliding sideways toward the culvert at the side of the road. There was no friction (or conflict if you will) between the tires and the pavement to produce forward motion. In fact, the lack of positive conflict between the tires and the road was putting me and my car at risk.

I suggest that friction is not only inevitable but is useful to the producing of forward progress in organizations and in relationships. If we fear conflict our fear of it will make us handle it poorly allowing problems to fester and grow. Avoiding friction is like sliding toward disaster. The worst possible way to handle conflict is to avoid or ignore the friction. As leaders, we mustn’t see conflict as a bad thing but rather as a useful means to show us where things need to be addressed, changed and improved.

I was asked by one of my peers about how I handle conflict as a pastor. I answered, “Prayerfully, tactfully and in the fear of the Lord.” With the help of the Holy Spirit conflict is a tool to reveal real problems, hurts and their roots. With the ministry of the Holy Spirit conflict is an opportunity to bring healing. So, as a pastor, I don’t see my job as that of a manager jumping in to take control of a situation before it gets out of hand. I see my role as the Lord’s minister partnering with Him to resolve conflict. That’s not to say that conflicts should not be addressed quickly, but just to say that they should be addressed rightly. 

Conflict provides opportunity to lead. Conflict offers the possibility of not just managing or maintaining control of a situation, but to actually lead for change. Conflict in the hands of God and a good leader uses friction to produce positive forward motion.